IC Inbox: Daybreak

[shockingblue]

GUSTAV "GV" GUNVOLT
UN: AZURESTRIKER

STATUS: Student, Grade 9

ACCOLADES: 4 Year Member of the Rune Guild QUILL, active field agent and runic inscriptionist. Designed and implemented runic equipment for field use. Destroyed a small army of invading undead.

BIO: New to Daybreak Academy. I speak Japanese, German, French, and English. Japanese is a little rusty though. Interests include runic inscription, athletics, physics, and history. I like video games and computers too.

© TESSISAMESS

You've reached GV. If you need me for something, leave me a message, and I'll return it as soon as possible.

Comments

2/2

[shockingblue]

[Still though, her final sentiment gives him some pause.]

More than just a warrior. ...I've been doing things other than being better at fighting. Been making friends, learning to dance, taking your normal classes. I've been trying to be more normal since I got here. And it's been fun!

But I can't help thinking about fighting. A lot. ...More often than I want to.

[....It's hard not to, knowing Nightfall looms. Knowing now the nature of much of the world. And how much rests on everyone's shoulders, and...

He sits back into his chair and slumps a little. He hasn't really confided the pressure he's been feeling to anyone too much, before, but...]

...It's why I came here. I... I want to get stronger. Asimov believes in me, and I can't let his faith be misplaced. When the time comes that I'm really needed... I want to rise to the occasion. The world needs all the help it can get.

[playitagain]

[Nana can't argue with that. There's no way to tell someone, "You shouldn't need to watch after me." She falls quiet for a moment, though.

And there's a subtle shift in her expression.

He had implied this before. Most kids went to school; he went on missions. He didn't have the same type of childhood she did... or, maybe, he didn't have much of a childhood. Nana's eyebrows knit, thoughtfully.]

There's... a lot of pressure on us, to be ready for Nightfall. However we can. But... I don't think you should worry about letting Asimov down to the point that you stop yourself from living the life that you want.

We should enjoy today, not... just live for an occasion that's not here yet.

[shockingblue]

[Gunvolt remains quiet for a long moment, his eyes... distant. Looking far way to a horizon he couldn't see. His mind busy trying to process what she said and reconcile it with everything he already knew. And it wasn't easy to do.

He blinked twice, slowly, before he broke his silence.]

...What I've wanted is that. As a way of showing appreciation for Asimov giving me a chance when no one else did. They aren't the only things I can do, but... designing equipment, making runes, and now fighting. It's... what I'm best at. And I can be better. So I do my best to improve, so I can make him, and myself, proud.

So... I really haven't spent a lot of time thinking about how I should enjoy today.

[Not when so much of his thinking is about the future.]

How do I even find the balance, Nana? I can't give up on my goals, but... I know you're not wrong either. I enjoyed going to the dance before and after the fighting, and I liked Yuya teaching me how to dance before that, and... hell, even arguing with Maple's been... well, maybe not fun, but...

I just don't know how to find the line of being me... and trying to be what I want to become.

[playitagain]

[Nana recognizes that distant look. She knows that distant look; she's seen it on herself before, imagined it as the look on her face. She hesitates, in the face of that, her eyes drifting away from his.

She swallows.

A part of her wants to scream that she's not the person he should ask. That she doesn't know how to find and define the line between who she is and who she's afraid she'll become, to keep everyone safe.

But he's asking, and Nana doesn't know how to -- and doesn't want to -- turn him away.]

It's hard to maintain that balance, GV. You... you have to find a way to fit both into your life. To know when to turn one side off, and let yourself be who you need to be.

I wish I could say it's easy, but... it's not.

[shockingblue]

[Her words, mercifully, seemingly make his eyes snap back into the present. It took a quick blink, almost like he snapped out of a trance.]

...Yeah. It's not. But the answer's gotta be there. And you're right. I have to try... even if I can be the only one to do it.

[He weakly smiled, looking embarrassed.]

...Sorry, that got a lot heavier than I meant it to. I've... never talked about that with anyone before.

[playitagain]

Mm... yeah. And the answer is different, I think, for everyone. Different ideas of who we should be, different comfort levels... different hopes for the future. But it's there. Somewhere.

[Which might be the closest she'll come today to admitting she hasn't found it herself.

She shakes her head, though, and her smile is as reassuring as she can make it.]

It's okay.

I think... all of us grapple with this, or something close.

[shockingblue]

It's a relief to hear that, strange as it is to say. Knowing it's something that we're all trying to work through... I dunno. Less scary, I guess.

[Still confusing, still challenging, and still a burden they all have to bear, but... a burden shared is easier to lift. But perhaps... not as daunting as it once felt.]

...Thanks, Nana. You're the best.

[And there's just an earnest sincerity to the statement, reflected in those blue eyes.]

[playitagain]

I definitely understand that. [Nana smiles, though it's a little reluctant. She wishes people didn't have to experience that burden. She can't say she's glad she's not alone, there.

She wishes they didn't have to feel it.

She blinks, though -- a bit surprised at the earnestness and the statement. Then, Nana smiles, and looks down for a moment.]

...Thanks. You're welcome, GV.